My friend Bee is a pretty good matchmaker. She’s hooked up friends who are now married, and ever since she started dating her now-husband, who happens to be one of my best and oldest friends, she’s taken me on as her new project. A hang out didn’t go by without her turning to her hubby and saying, “how about [insert boy's name]?” Hubby would nod as if thinking about it, then say, “yeah, maybe,” and then we’d discuss it for a couple minutes before going back to the multiplayer game of Halo we were playing. I thought it was super nice, and I was happy that she cared enough to want me to be with a nice guy. Other than my bff, she’s the only other person I make sure to introduce to any new guy I’m seeing because I know I’ll get an honest opinion. She’s been right about the dudes more often than not.
At the cabin in August, during a conversation about my dating situation and how much of a disaster the first six months of the year were for me (assholes everywhere), I pledged to Bee that I would meet a great guy, start dating him, and bring him to the cabin for Thanksgiving. I meant it, but knew instinctively that it was one hell of a long shot that this would actually occur. Two months wasn’t a lot of time, and even if I started dating somebody as soon as I got home, asking that person to spend a holiday away with my family after only dating for such a short time was pretty much relationship suicide. Barney Stinson’s “You can only make plans as far in advance as the amount of time you’ve been dating” rule made complete sense to me, and only under very special circumstances should that rule actually be broken.
I ended up driving to the lake without a boy, unless you count my brother (which I don’t, ew). Though the opportunity was there, timing and circumstance weren’t on my side. But the fact that I didn’t bring a boy with me to the lake doesn’t matter, not one bit, because my happiness doesn’t revolve around whether I’m dating somebody or not. I’m happy with my current situation and with my decision to not put so many rules and regulations on dating and the people I date.
I know so many girls who nitpick, who live by ridiculous deal breaker rules, who look at a guy and say, “He doesn’t like sushi? Well fuck him, then!” Your life is not a sit com. You don’t need to throw away a guy because he doesn’t follow your self-imposed precise order of how dating should go. So he didn’t kiss you on the second date; that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you as much as some guy who did. So he doesn’t like gravy; that doesn’t mean you never get to eat poutine again. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have standards, of course. Settling is the last thing you should do. But expecting perfection from somebody who isn’t you is just going to leave you either alone or stuck in a relationship in which you’re trying to change somebody, which never, ever works.
So relax. Chill. Don’t judge so quickly. Taking time to get to know somebody you wouldn’t normally date could surprise you.